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THE LITERARY CLUB 



A Comedy in One Act 



HY 

MARION R. O'KEEFE 



'PMiirlil, I'iK.;, iiy SA.MIKI, KKKNCM 



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THE LITERARY CLUB 



A Comedy in One Act 



BY 



MARION R, O'KEEFE 



Copyright, 1916, By SAMUEL FRENCH 



No rovaltv required for amateur production. All 
other rifrhts reserved. 



NEW YORK 

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THE LITERARY CLUB. 



CHARACTERS. 

Mrs. Lawtrey President of the Literary Cliih 

Mrs. Lovett, Mrs. Pawkins, Miss Pardell, Miss 

Grimes .Members of the Literary Club 

Miss Force Teacher in one of the imperial 

schools 
Maru The Emperor's niece, one of Miss 

Force's pupils 
The Interpreter. . . .Attendant upon the Emperor 
Japanese Girls 
Imperial Guards 
Emperor 

2 






OCT 18 1917 



THE LITERARY CLUB 



Scene I :■ — A Japanese school. As curtain rises, 
Japanese girls are seen seated in places at side, 
singing and laughing. Enter Miss Force, 
Girls salaam. 

Miss Force. Good-morning, girls. 

Girls. Hai, Ojo-San. 

Miss Force. I hope you all know your lessons 
to-day, for the Emperor is coming to visit the 
school, and he may ask you to read or to recite. 

Maru. Bah ! My no afraid ! He will no under- 
stan'. 

Miss Force. Maru, be careful. The Emperor's 
niece should give good example. 

Maru. My no lig study, for because my lig bet- 
ter dance an' sing. 

Miss Force. The Emperor will be displeased, 
Alaru 

Maru. No! He too exaltedly sleepy to know.. 
He is so much good look. 

(Girls laugh and clap liands.) 

Miss Force. Maru, you are a naughty girl to 
talk so of his augustly exalted highness. He would 
be angry 

Maru. My tell him every day he very funny. 
He no min', — he let my do anythings. 

Miss Force. Yes, I am afraid his imperial 
3 



4 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

majesty has spoiled you, Maru. But at any rate, 
when he comes to-day, you must as usual serve him 
with tea. 

Maru. In his serenely honorable cup and saucer? 

Miss Force. Yes— which no one else may touch. 
You all know that, girls, do you not ? That no one 
but the Emperor's niece must handle the cup from 
which he drinks. 

(Girls nods heads.) 

Guards. (Outside) Hai-ai-ai-ai-ee, hai-ai-ai-ai- 
ee. 

Maru. My thinks he come now. 

(Enter Emperor preceded by guards and Inter- 
preter. When Emperor is seated, all, except 
Miss Force, salaam.) 

Interpreter. Attention ! His glorious sublim- 
ity, the Emperor, will honorably condescend to 
drink tea in this degradedly contemptible institu- 
tion. 

(The Emperor is gradually falling asleep.) 

Miss Force. We are augustly blessed. 
Maru. (Running over to Emperor) See — how 
funny. (Shaking him) Wag up, funny man. 

(Emperor pats Maru on head. She and other girls 
serve tea to Emperor, Interpreter, and Miss 
Force.) 

Interpreter. (To Miss Force) You, Ameri- 
can O jo-San, what in your debased ignorance have 
you taught these flowers of Japan? » 

Miss Force. Honorable Interpreter, I have 
taught them to spell, and to read, and to write. 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 5 

(Interpreter conveys information to Emperor 
who dozes again.) 

Interpreter. Let your class ignobly try to read 
for the Emperor from their American books. 
(Girls prepare to read. Interpreter consults Em- 
peror) His Imperial Highness will remove his joy- 
giving presence from the room. Sleep augiistly 
overcomes him now. He will wonderfully deign to 
come some other time. 

Miss Force. Honorably present our thanks to 
his serene majesty. 

Maru. My thinks he is a very funny emperor, — 
he is so sleep. 

Miss Force. Maru 

Interpreter. Woman, illustriously avoid rebuk- 
ing the niece of the Emperor. She is transcendently 
permitted to do and say whatever she likes. 

Miss Force. I degradedly submit to your coun- 
sel. 

Interpreter. Guards ! 

(Exeunt Emperor, iNTERPREfER and guards.) 

ATlss Force. !Maru, you wefe a very naughty 
girl. 

Maru. My n« ctre. 

(Noise outside. IV omen talking in highly pitched 
voices. Miss Force to door. Enter the Liter- 
ary Club. Miss Force greets the several mem- 
bers as old acquaintances.) 

Mrs. Pawkins. (Walking to desk where vase of 
flowers rests) Oh, I do love orchids! (Ch pro- 
nounced as in chin) 

Mrs. LawTrey. So this is a Japanese school! 



6 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

Mrs. Lovett. A Japanese school ! How charm- 
ing ! 

Mrs. Paw kins. The young leddies is so sweet 
and simple, all in their pretty kimonies. 

Mrs. Lawtj^ev. (Aside io Miss Force) Mrs, 
Pawkins is impossible. We barely tolerate her. 
Mrs. Pawkins, I request that I, as president of the 
club, be allowed to do the necessary talking. 

Mrs. Lovett. Of course, ]\Irs. Pawkins, how 
could you? 

I\Irs. Pawkins. Oh, certainly, certainly, especi- 
ally at this crissis. Fd be like to collapse {Pro- 
nounced col' ips) if I had to speak. 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Miss Force, you are aware, I 
presume, of the object of our association, the Liter- 
ary Club. 

Miss Force. Won't you be seated ? 

Mrs. Lawtrey. For the present, — no. 

Mrs. Lovett. Of course not! Flow could you, 
Miss Force? 

Miss Pardell. Preposterous! 

Miss Grimes. Absurd! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. ( Waving the other members info 
silence) The object of our club is to promote in- 
terest in the best literature 

Mrs. Pawkins. Yes, Brownin', Longfeller, 
Wadsworth, and all the other celebrit' ties 

Miss Pardell. Browning! That name! To 
what heights of bliss it raises me! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Ladies, allow me if you please. 
As I was saying, the laudable object of our club 

Mrs. Pawkins. Her langwich is elegant 

]\T- Lawtrey. (Continuing) — is to promote in- 
terest the best literature, and to encourage the 
literary . nbition of such members as possess the 
ability to write. 

Miss Force. A wonderful original aim, I am 
sure. 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 7 

Mrs. Lovett. The credit all belongs to ]\Irs. 
Lawtre)'. 

Mrs. Lawtrev. No compliments, I beg of you. 
' ]\Irs. Pawkins. She's of such a conserved dis- 
position, and so retiring ! ' . 

Miss Pardell. Retiring, indeed ! 

Miss Grimes. " A violet neath a mossy stone." 

Mrs. Lovett. But you haven't told Miss Force 
wh)' we came to Japan, my dear. 

]\Irs. Pawkins. No! How could you forget 
that, ]\Irs. Lawtrey ? 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Do I need to be reminded by 
you, Mrs. Lovett, or by you, Mrs. Pawkins. 

Mrs. Lovett. Not at all, Mrs. Lawtrey. 

Mrs. Pawkins. Not at all, ma'am, by no means, 
you don't. 

Mrs. Lawtrev. ]\Iiss Force, we came to Japan 
to gather material. 

I^Iiss Force. To gather material ! Why, I don't 
understand. 

]\Irs. Pawkins. It's colloquial color we're 
after ■ 

Mrs. Lovett. She means local color. Miss Force. 
You see, it's just this way 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Pardon vie, Mrs. Lovett 

Mrs. Lovett. Oh, of course, my dear. But one 
might be permitted to speak sometimes. 

^Irs. Lawtrey. Airs. Lovett, I am surprised. 
]\liss Force, as I intended explaining when I was so 
rudelv. interrupted, the Literary Club is here to 
gather material for a book. 

Miss Force. A book ! What kind, if I may pre- 
sume to inquire? 

Mrs. Lovett. A novel, ]Miss Force! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. ]\Iiss Force, if you will kindly 
give me your attention — we are going to write a 
problem novel. 

jMiss Force. FTov/ interesting ! 

]\Irs. Lovett. Yes, and we thought by observing 



8 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

in your school — (/ will speak, IMrs. Lawtrey) — 
and in the streets of this town 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Mrs. Lovett ! 

Mrs. Lovett. {Continuing) We could have our 
material collected by the end of this month, the book 
written by next, and enough money raised 

]\Irs. Lawtrey. ]\Irs. Lovett ! 

Mrs. Pawkins. She surpasses herself ! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. {To Mrs. Pawkins) Kindly 
reserve your remarks. Mrs. Lovett, you have said 
enough. Miss Force, with your permission, we shall 
now examine your class. 

Mrs. Pawkins. Do they dance, INIiss Force? 

{Members of the Club step back horrified.) 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Dance! Mrs. Pawkins. I am 
horrified. Mrs. Lovett, are you not shocked? 

Mrs. Lovett. Lideed I am, Mrs. Lawtrey. Of 
all things to speak of dancing ! 

Miss Pardell. Dancing among the Japanese is 
an art 

Mrs. Lovett. Oh, an art ! It's an art, IMrs. 
Lawtrey 

Miss Pardell. An art that deserves the atten- 
tion of all cultured persons. 

Mrs. Lovett. It relates to culture, you see, Mrs. 
Lawtrey. Art and culture ! How they appeal to 
one ! 

Miss Grimes and IMiss Pardell. Art and cul- 
ture! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. True ! Where art and culture 
are concerned, one may even sacrifice one's opinions. 
Let your pupils dance, Miss Force, if they can. 

Miss Force. Young ladies, prepare for the 
dance. 

(Japanese Girls dance.) 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 9 

AIrs. Pawkins. {At beginning of dance) Oh, 
where's my lorgynetta ! {Finds her lorgnette 
through 7vhich she observes dance) 

AIrs. Lawtrey. {After dance) Aliss Force, I 
regret exceedingly that you encourage this pagan 
dancing among these poor benighted people. Mrs. 
Lovett, are you attending? Will you express your 
opinion of this performance ? 

Mrs. Lovett. I thought it — er — very entertain- 
ing- 



Mrs. Lawtrey. What ! 

Mrs. Lovett. Well, if not exactly entertain- 
ing, — er — what did you think about it, Miss Pardell? 

Miss Pardell. (Ecstatically) Oh, the rhythm 
of it ! How intoxicating ! Other Members : In- 
toxicating ! 

AIrs. Lovett. I'm sure I am extremely surprised 
to hear any member of the Literary Club use such 
a word ! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. ~ ]Miss Force, I think an antidote 
is necessary. 

Mrs. Pawkins. ^ly uncle used to be always tell- 
ing antidotes. I wish I could remember some now. 

Mrs. Lawtrey. By an antidote I mean some- 
thing to counteract the demoralizing influence of 
this frivolous exhibition. Young minds should be 
trained to seriousness. 

]Mrs. Lovett. We might-give them a scene from 
Shakespere. You know, Miss Force, we all, in a 
modest way. aspire to histrionic expression. At the 
meetings of the club, we regularly practise scenes 
from Shakespere. 

Miss Force. How delightful ! I'm sure my 
pupils would be amused — {Members of the Club 
offended) — I mean instructed by your performance. 
]\Irs. Lawtrey 

Mrs. Lawtrey. We must first confer. (Liter- 
ary Club goes aside to consult about play. Evident 
attempt, in pantomime, to suppress Mrs. Pawkiks. 



10 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

Miss Force instructs pupils to behave politely dur- 
ing performance. Mrs. Lawtrev coming forzvard) 
We are ready, iSIiss Force. Attention if you please. 
We shall present the first scene from Hamlet. I am 
Horatio, Hamlet's friend 

]\Irs. Lovett. And I am Marcellus, one of the 
officers, you remember, Miss Pardell is Bernardo, 
and ]\Iiss Grimes Francisco. 

]\Iiss Force. And ^Nlrs. Pawkins? 

Mrs. Lovett. \Vhy — er — Mrs. Pawkins is the 
Ghost. 

I\Irs. Lawtrey. (Announcing scene) " Elsin- 
ore. A platform before the castle. Francisco at his 
post." (Miss Grimes struts to the front of the 
stage) " Enter to him Bernardo." 

Miss Pardell. {Walking toxvards ]\Iiss Grimes) 
" Who's there ? " 

Miss Grimes. " Nay, answer me ; stand and un- 
fold yourself." 

Miss Pardell. " Long live the king." 

Miss Grimes. "Bernardo?" 

Miss Pardell. " He." 

Mrs. Lovett. They do it so well. 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Perfectly, I think. 

]\Iiss Pardell. " 'Tis now struck twelve; get 
thee to bed, Francisco." 

Miss Grimes. " For this relief much thanks. 
Stand, ho ! Who goes there ? " 

Mrs. Lawtrey. {Approaching ivith Mrs. 
Lovett) " Friends to this ground." 

Mrs. Lovett.' "And liegemen to the Dane." 

Miss Grimes. " Give you good-night ! " {IVith- 
drazvs to back of stage) 

Mrs. Lovett. " Holla ! Bernardo ! " 

Miss Pardell. " Welcome, Horatio ; welcome, 
good ISIarcellus." 

AIrs. Lovett. " What, has this thing appeared 
again to-night ? " 

Miss Pardell. " I have seen nothing " 



THE LITERARY CLUB. ii 

]\Irs. Lavvtrev. " Tush — tush — 'twill not ap- 
j5ear." 

Miss Pardell. 

" Last night of all 

When yond same star that's westward from the pole 
Had made his course to illume that part of heaven 
Where now it burns, Marcellus and mvself, 
The bell then beating- one " 

AIrs. Lovett. " Peace, break thee off ; look where 
it comes again." 

(Mrs. Pawkins icalks slozvly round to front of 
stage. Japanese girls laugh and clap hands.) 

AL\ru. (Running over to ]^Irs. Pawkins) I lig 
much her high sublimity, Mrs. Ghos'. 

]\Irs. Lawtrey. An unmannerly child ! 

Miss Force. Sh ! She's the Emperor's niece." 
He is ruled by her. Our lives would be w^orth noth- 
ing if she but wished our deaths. (Miss Force and 
Literary Club, except Mrs. Pawkins. consult aside) 

Maru. {To ■Mrs. Pawkins) I lig you, Mrs. 
Ghos'. You are mos' gloriously the bes'. You write 
a book too ? 

i\lRS. Paw^kins. No, no, my dear. I just collect 
material. 

Maru. Collec'. collec', — wha'stha'? Tag things 
lig all Americans — ne ? 

Mrs. Pawkins. Yes, — take. The poor child 
don't understand good English. 

]\L\RU. Then I gif Mrs. Ghos' something, but she 
not tell. (Maru, taking from table the Emperor's 
cup and saucer, presents them to .Mrs. Pawkins) 

Mrs. Pawkins. Chiny ! Of all things, I do love 
chiny. It's so select. 



12 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

Maru. But hide ! No let see IMrs. Love an' ]\Irs. 
Law. 

Mrs. Pavvkins. I comperhend. child. They'd 
want it for their selves. I'll hide it safe. (Places 
cup and saucer in her handbag) And thank you 
Miss — er — — 
~ ]\Iaru. J\Iaru. 

^Nliss Force. I shall dismiss them, and then we 
can have a nice long talk. I am so anxious to hear 
more, news of the dear people at home. Young 
ladies (Rings gong) recess. (Japanese girls go out 
■in line bowing and svniling at visitors. Miss Force 
seated betzveen ]Mrs. Lawtrey and Mrs. Lovett, 
Mrs. Pawkins seated at a little distance from them. 
Miss Pardell a^id Miss Grimes zvalk round the 
room examining objects of interest) Now, tell me 
all the news, and all the gossip you know, about that 
dear little town way off in lersey. 

Mrs. Pav^^cins. Dear New Jersey ! When I'm 
there. I love to oleander about the scrubbery, pursu- 
ing Shakespere. 

INIrs. Lawtrey. (Ignoring ]\Irs. Pawkins) 
Well, to -begin with that ugly old Miss Tracey is 
married at last. 

AIrs. Lovett. Yes, though we don't approve of 
the match at all. Do we, Mrs. Lawtrey ? 

Mrs. Lawtrey. No, indeed. That poor boy. 
Why, to think, Miss Force, he just had his thirtieth 
birthday last month. His mother is heart-broken. 

Mrs. Lovett. It's exceedingly sad. But one 
can't put old heads on young shoulders, as Mr. 
Lovett keeps telling me. 

Mrs. Law^trey. Telling you ? 

Mrs. Lovett. Yes, he says I'll always be 
young 

(Noise outside. Enter Interpreter with Japanese 
guards.) 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 13 

Interpreter. Hands up! All in this room are 
under arrest. 

(Miss Force and members of dub stand ivith hands 
tip.) 

Miss Force. This is a mistake 

Mrs. Lawtrey. An outrage ! 

]\Irs. Lovett. When Mr. Lovett hears of this ! 

Mrs. Pawkins. I'm sure we all consider it a 
flaggrant shame. 

Interpreter. Silence ! I have here an order 
from the Emperor to search this place for the honor- 
able cup and saucer of his imperial gloriousness. 
(To guards) Guard the prisoners. (Interpreter 
searches room) 

Miss Force. It will be all right, I'm sure. 
There's nothing to fear. 

Mrs. Lawtrey. They shall be punished for forc- 
ing me to stand in this undignified position. 

Mrs. Lovett. When my husband discovers their 
perfidy 

Interpreter. Silence! (To guards) Search 
the prisoners. 

(Prisoners protest screaming.) 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Help 

Mrs. Lovett. Never! 

Miss Pardell. Ladies, be calm 



Interpreter. (Finding cup and saucer in Mrs. 
Pawkins' bag) Stop ! It is here ! No mercy must 
be shown. 

Mrs. Pawkins. Oh, sir, I assure you I'm a per- 
fectly obnoxious character 

Interpreter. Guards, place this woman under 
arVest. 



14 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

(Commotion among the other members of the Club.) 

Miss Grimes. Mrs. Pawkins 



Miss Pardell. " 'Tis true 'tis pity ; and pity 'tis 
'tis true." 

Mrs. Lawtrey. I always said that we never 
should have admitted Mrs. Pawkins to our Literary 
Club. 

Mrs. Lovett. Of course, Mrs. Pawkins, how 
could you? 

CURTAIN. 

Scene II: — Coxtrt of the Emperor. At back of 
stage a raised divan for Emperor. On right, 
the zvitness stand. On left, stand for prisoner. 
Interpreter reading from long scroll. Enter 
in line, tzvo by two, the Japanese girls followed 
by Miss Force. Miss Force gives signal for 
girls to stand. 

Miss Forc^. {To Interpreter) What place do 
you augustly assign to these young ladies? 

Interpreter. Any place you transcendently de- 
sire. 

Miss Force. {To Japanese girls) What, — talk- 
ing in ranks? And where is Maru? 

Girls. Maru? {Signify their ignorance of her 
zvhcrcabonts by shaking heads) 

Miss Force. No one knows? This is dreadful! 
To your places please. {Girls go to right side of 
stage) I must go look for her. 

Interpreter. {To Miss Force as she attempts 
to leave) Stop! You must not degradedly go for 
the Emperor's niece. It is her high serene liberty 
to do what she pleases. 

Miss Force. But she may be lost in the city 

Interpreter. Do you contemptibly defy the 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 15 

law? If you do, I must admirably place you under 
arrest. 

Miss Force. Oh, no. (Enter Miss Pardell) 
Miss Pardell, have you seen the Emperor's niece 
anywhere ? 

Miss Pardell. I have seen no one. As I came 
along, I diverted myself by indulging in the luj^ury 
of dreams and wandering thoughts. Like the poet, 
Wordsworth, I experienced those 

" Blank misgivings of a creature 
Moving round in worlds not realized " 



c, (Enter Miss Grimes.) 

Miss Grimes. I thought I heard some one quot- 
ing from the Imitations of Immortality, — and it was 
you. Miss Pardell ! Oh, you dreamer ! 

Miss Pardell. Miss Grimes, your frivolity is 
unbecoming. 

(Enter Mrs. Lovett and Mrs. Lawtrey.) 

Mrs. Lovett. Yes, it's just as I said, Mrs. Law- 
trey, Mrs. Pawkins was impossible from the first. 
To think that she's brought us to this, that we're 
dragged literally dragged into court ! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. Well, if my advice had been fol- 
lowed at the establishment of the Club, we should 
not now be in such a case, for it is a real case, as 
Shakespere employs the words. 

Mrs. Lovett. Good-morning, Miss Force. You 
really look depressed. But this shocking situation 
has us all more or less on the verge of hysterics. If 
Mr. Lovett were only here ! 

Miss Force. I'm worried about Maru 

Mrs. Lawtre. (To Miss Pardell) I wonder, 



i6 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

Miss Pardell, that you wear your usual gay attire 
on so sad an occasion. 

Miss Pardell. The aesthetic never appeals to 
you, madame 

Miss Grimes. As for me, I feel with the poet 
that 

" There has passed a glory from the earth." 

Mrs. Lovett. Don't be depressed, my dear. De- 
pression is most unfavorable to the development of 
creative genius, and we must not forget our book, 
you know. 

Interpreter. Silence ! The Emperor ! 

(As Emperor enters, preceded by guards, all 
Japanese salaam. Emperor sleepily mounts 
dais where he proceeds to dose. Interpreter 
ivith difficulty confers zvith him. He nods as- 
sent.) 

Interpreter. Bring in the prisoner. 

(Guards exeunt for prisoner. Murmuring and ex- 
citement among witnesses even after entrance 
of Mrs. Pawkins.) 

Interpreter. Silence ! His serene and illustri- 
ous majesty exaltedly commands me to open this 
case. The degradedly trembling prisoner is charged 
with suspiciously stealing the Emperor's most 
august and sublime cup and saucer. If she will in- 
anely confess her guilt, the Emperor will leniently 
imprison her for life instead of awkwardly con- 
demning her ignominiously to death. Woman, are 
you outrageously guilty or not ? 

Mrs. Pawkins. Oh, sir, — not, if it's all the same 
to you. 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 17 

Interpreter. Contempt of court! Guards, re- 
move the prisoner. 

(Gua)yis attempt to remove ]\Irs. Pavvkins.) 

Miss Pardell. Hold ! It is enacted in the laws 
of the city that every accused person have a trial. 

]\Irs. Lovett. {To Mrs. Lawtrey) For all the 
world, like Portia in The Merchant of Venice ! 

Mrs. Lawtrey. I am surprised at a young wo- 
man speaking in public ! 

Interpreter. {Having consulted zvith Emperor) 
His vigorous highness consents to a trial. Will any- 
one speak for the prisoner ? 

Mrs. Lawtrey. No, indeed. 

Interpreter. Then I, as prosecuting attorney, 
shall examine the witnesses. Miss Grimes. (Miss 
Grimes to zvilness stand) Woman, your age. 

Miss Grimes. What ! 

Interpreter. How old are you ? 

]\liss Grimes. Oh, this is so sudden 

Interpreter. Answer me. 

I\Iiss Grimes. Why, your — your highness — I'm 
— er — out of the twenties. 

Interpreter. Very good. Do you know the 
person at the bar ? 

Miss Grkmes. At the bar? Oh, yes. I under- 
stand. I have some acquaintance with her. 

Interpreter. Incriminating evidence. The tes- 
timony of this witness is deplorably invaluable. It 
will have superlatively great weight with his ener- 
getic majesty. (Emperor snores) The witness 
is dismissed, Miss Pardell. (Miss Pardell to wit- 
ness sta)id) Can you most unjustly inform me 
whether the prisoner has ever in her lifetime ex- 
uberantly manifested a taste for china? 

Miss Pardell. Sir, I am convinced that Mrs. 
Pawkins is at present the victim of untoward cir- 
cumstances and an unfortunate environment in 



i8 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

youth. I have never observed in her any tendency 
to JEStheticism. 

Interpreter. Then she must be punished. 

Miss Pardell. . Hold, Sir. 

" The quahty of mercy is not strained ; 

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven — 

Interpreter. Guards, remove the witness. 
Miss Pardell. {Continuing) 

" Upon the place beneath ; it is thrice blessed ; 
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes — " 

(Miss Pardell continues the quotation until she 
is removed from the zvitness stand by the guards) 

Interpreter. Miss Force. (Miss Force to wit- 
ness stand) What is your occupation? 

Miss Force. Your honor, I am most degradedly 
a teacher in one of the imperial schools. 

Interpreter. You have seen the honorable cup 
saucer ? 

Miss Force. Often, your honor. 

Interpreter. Did you see the ridiculously im- 
movable prisoner steal the honorable cup and saucer ? 

Miss Force. No, your honor. 

Mrs. Pawkins. If I might be allowed to sug- 
gest 

Intrepreter. Silence ! This witness is dis- 
missed. Mrs. Lawtrey. (Mrs. Lawtrey to witness 
stand) Madame, do you know the contemptible 
prisoner ? 

Mrs. Lav^trey. To my exceeding regret, — yes — 
I do. 

Interpreter. Did you see her appropriate his 
serene highness' exaggeratedly honorable cup and 
saucer? 

Mrs. Lawtrey. No, your honor. But I've al- 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 19 

ways had my suspicions of Mrs. Pawkins. More- 
over, my friend, Airs. Lovett told me 

Mrs. Lovett. Mrs. Lawtrey, I request you not 
to drag my name before the public. 

■Mrs. Lawtrey. Mrs. Lovett, I am amazed at 
your lack of public spirit. (To Interpreter) As 
I was saying, Mrs. Lovett told me 

Mrs. Lovett. ]\Irs. Lawtrey, I insist. And any- 
way. I think one might be allowed to give one's own 
testimony. 

Mrs. Lawtrey. This is unbearable ! 

Interpreter. Silence ! The witness is dismissed. 

Mrs. Lawtrey. But, Sir, you have not yet taken 
my testimony. 

Interpreter. Madam, you are dismissed. 

Mrs. Lawtrey. I ivill not submit. 

Interpreter. Guards arrest the witness for con- 
tempt of court. 

(Guards arrest Mrs. Lawtrey, placing her beside 
Mrs. Pawkins on the prisoners' stand. Com- 
motion among the other zvitnesses Mrs. Law- 
trey iveeps.) 

Mrs. Pawkins. Oh, don't take it to heart so, 
ma'am. It don't feel half bad when you get used 
to it. 

Interpreter. The next witness ! Mrs. Lovett. 

(Mrs. Lovett to zvitness stand.) 

Mrs. Lovett. Oh, sir, I'm so abashed. 

Interpreter. Your remark is out of order. Is 
Mrs. Pawkins a friend of yours ? 

Mrs. Lovett. I should say not. She's no friend 
of mine, I assure you. 

Interpreter. But you know her? 

Mrs. Lovett. I admit the impeachment. I know 
her only too well. 



20 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

Interpreter. Has she any standing in the 
absurdly estabHshed Literary Club? 

Mrs. Lovett. No standing whatever. In fact, 
where the Club is concerned, Airs. Pawkins is 
absolutely null and void. — Miss Pardell, what is that 
line in Wordsworth about a wandering voice ? 

Miss Pardell. 

" Oh, cuckoo, shall I call thee bird 
Or but a wandering voice? " 

Mrs. Lovett. Oh, yes. Well, (To Interpreter) 
Mrs. Pawkins, is, so to speak, but a " wandering 
voice." The Literary Club, moreover, assumes no" 
responsibility for her conduct. 

Interpreter. You saw her steal the honorable 
cup and saucer? 

AIrs. Lovett. No, no,- — though I suppose we 
must all yield to our suspicions. However, if my 
opinion is worth anything 

Interpreter. Madame, it is not. You are dis- 
missed. 

Mrs. Lovett. Under the circumstances, I obey, 
Sir. But let me assure you that you would not lare 
address me in so audacious a manner if Mr. Lovett 
were only here. (Mrs. Lovett descends from 
stand) 

Interpreter. Guards ! — 

{Enter Maru.) 

Girls. Maru ! 

Miss Force. Alaru, where have you been? 

Maru. My lig run away for liddle w'ile. 

(Maru runs over to Emperor. Excited talking 
among zvitnesses and Japanese girls. Inter- 
preter consults EjMPEROR.) 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 21 

Interpreter. Silence! His energetic serenity, 
the Emperor, having thoroughly considered the 
valuable evidence offered by the miserably un- 
gracious witnesses, pronounces Mrs. Pawkins guilty 
of sacrilegiously stealing the honorable cup and 
saucer. (Maru rises quickly) The said Mrs. 
Pawkins must suffer for her crime the penalty of 
death. {Murmurs among the zuitnesses and girls) 
The sentence will be carried out as soon as his 
vigorous majesty has leisure and inclination to sign 
the warrant. 

Maru. Wha' ! Mrs. Ghos' die? No! Why? 

Interpreter. I have generously announced the 
unmitigated reason : She has surreptitiously ap- 
propriated the Emeperor's honorable cup and saucer. 

Maru. (Laughing) No! Funnyman! Funny 
Emperor ! You bos' wrong. Poor Mrs. Ghos' no 
steal. 

Interpreter. No steal ! I myself outrageously 
found the honorable cup and saucer in her ridicu- 
lous hand bag. 

Maru. Yes, yes, but I — ^laru — gif the honorable 
cup and saucer to Mrs. Pawkins. 

Interpreter. You? (Talking among zvitnesses 
and girls. Interpreter consults Emperor zvlw nods 
sleepily) The trial is over. The Emperor's niece 
has spoken. j\Irs. Pawkins is outrageously acquitted. 

Girls. (Clapping hands) Hai, Mrs. Ghos'! 

Maru. Mrs. Ghos', Maru is so sorry. 

Mrs. Pawkins. (Descending from the stand) 
Don't mention it, my dear. I'm so relieved now I'm 
not going to suffer an ignominous death. 

Mrs. Lovett. But Mrs. Lawtrey, my dear. 
What are we to do about Mrs. Lawtrey? 

Mrs. Pawkins. If I covild preserve her. 
(Whispers to Maru zvho runs over to speak zvith 
the Interpreter) 

Miss Pardell. We cannot, of course, allow the 
president of the Literary Club to be sent to iail. 



22 THE LITERARY CLUB. 

Mrs. Lovett. No, indeed. The President of the 
Literary Club ! 

Maru. (Having consulted zvith the Interpreter) 
Yes, she mus' die. 

Literary Club. What ! 

Maru. Yes, Mr. Interpreter say Mrs. Law is a 
contemp' of cour'. She mus' die. 

Miss Pardell. It cannot be ! 

Mrs. Lovett. Beg your uncle to pardon her, 
little girl. 

Maru. Ah, he is so stric', and fierce. He think 
all time how he can kill some peoples, 

Mrs. Lovett. I had no idea the Emperor was so 
violent. But plead with him, Maru. 

Maru. My afraid no use, but my try. 

(]\Iaru and Interpreter confer zvith Emperor.) 

Miss Pardell. " To be or not to be — that is the 
question." 

Miss Grimes. If one could take arms against a 
sea of troubles. 

Miss Force. Matters are certainly looking dark, 

Mrs. Pawkins. I'm sure I'm sorry the Emperor 
is so implaccable. 

Interpreter. Silence! His august and serene 
highness, though uncontrollably incensed at the un- 
graciously contemptuous conduct of the prisoner, 
through the angelic intercession of his admirably 
perfect niece, Maru, condescendingly grants pardon 
to Mrs. Lawtrey 

Miss Grimes. Good! 

Mrs. Lovett. I'm so glad Mrs. Lawtrey. (Mrs. 
Lovett crosses over to Mrs. Lawtrey zvho begins 
to descend from the stand) 

Miss Pardell. 'Tis well. 

Mrs. Pawkins, It's very impassionate of his 
highness. 



THE LITERARY CLUB. 23 

Interpreter. {Continuing) On one condition. 

Club. Condition ! 

Interpreter. His gracious and sublime majesty 
grants pardon to Mrs. Lawtrey 

Mrs. Lovett. Yes ■ 

Interpreter. On condition — {Excited murmur- 
ing among zvitnesses and girls) — your attention 
please — {Silence) that she most ridiculously resign 
as President of the Literary Club — in favor of the 
learned and accomplished Mrs. Pawkins. 

(Mrs. Lawtrey screams and faints in Mrs. 
Lovett's arms. Jap girls, Miss Force, ]\Tiss 
Pardell, Maru, Miss Grimes surround Mrs. 
Pawkins xvho, bozving and smiling, receives 
their congratulations.) 

CURTAIN. 



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librart of congress 

■llilliiillllli ,1 

018 393 077 1 " 



